I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Let's get the cat blown out
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
