I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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