Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
