There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize