hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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