Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
