Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
