She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
