you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
