I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
