Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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