Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
whose parrot is this?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
