he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
