I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
