What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
