I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
