Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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