Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
