Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Randomize
