cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
