White coat. Heels.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
