So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I puked a lego.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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