At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
