shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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