wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
