Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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