Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
