Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
