Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
