So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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