Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
