last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
