I want to have your abortion
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
