it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
