I can't watch pbs sober anymore
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
