Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
