you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
