laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
handjob tips. give me some.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
