My brain says no but my pants say off.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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