this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
