you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I understand Curling. That high.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
