This is not my ceiling
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
