thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
