At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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