Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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