I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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