I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
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