WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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