The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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