My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
