You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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