tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
