grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
