so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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