OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
