Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Randomize
