please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
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i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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