Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
