How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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