I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
