i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
