He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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