The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
