he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
