Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
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shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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